desiree by day,

2006-11-09T10:12:00.000-08:00

grumpy because volleyball was bad.
grumpy because skin is bad.
grumpy because supper was contrived.
grumpy because hair is bad.
grumpy because boys are idiots.
grumpy because mother's not here.
grumpy because it's cold and dreary and there's no one to snuggle up to, sans concealer.
grumpy because it's cold and dreary and there's no one to snuggle up to, even with concealer.

i think i've had too much peanut butter today. (i devoured half a jar, with my index finger.) it's the glue that's holding my indonesian panggang and disgusting hall dinner together, topped off with the honey from the banana cheese prata i just polished off. no wonder my throat's starting to feel tingly.

shitty. i can't wait for bali. oh spa haven, where we get to walk around NAKED.

2006-11-08T20:01:00.000-08:00

hello, can i have a 6-inch roast beef wrap, please? yes, toasted. no, just the uhm, lettuce, tomatoes, cucumber and green peppers, please. honey mustard and pepper. excuse me, could i have the roast beef wrap with a small meal? i'll have the...chocolate chip cookie. thanks. YES I AM A STUDENT NOW GIVE ME MY BLOODY WRAP.

oh oh i love subway :D

whaddyou know! radio academy's back in town again, and i've got enough dough for it now! should i, should i not? thing is, it's in december and that's when dp rehearsals are...everyday. plus, i so do want to go to bali with mother. what to do what to do.

lizard

2006-11-01T10:58:00.000-08:00

i hate lizards and there was a lizard in my room it is a long disgusting story i shall tell you now.

i left my room door open during e2 floor supper which was at the common area just outside my room and project runway was on so i left my door open so i could dash in and out to watch. so after supper i left the door open and started on my film & history paper and just as i was about to type the word "disenfranchised", see how vivid the memory is, i saw in the corner of my eye a black movement IT WAS A LIZARD coming into my room and i watched helplessly silently uttering god's name as i watched it creep so disgustingly across my cupboard and IN HORROR as it crawled INTO my cupboard, why did i leave it open!, and i eyed my toiletries with a sick feeling in my stomach, luckily i didn't place my toiletry bucket in the bottom compartment like i usually do!, so then i watched even MORE grossed out as the lizard crawled into my TIE BOX! the slimey thing actually flipped into the box and i imagined it wriggling around in my precious ties and i thought oh god help me. i tried looking for something big and hard enough to quickly cover the box so that i could scream for someone to come and remove it but i couldnt find something and even if i could i dont think i would have dared to get so close anyway. so i went downstairs to ask a boy who was willing to catch the lizard for me. bumped into isaac and chris in the stairway and they were more amused at my petrified state than wiling to help, so fortunately i bumped into owen next just back from his run with david and he so kindly agreed. and isaac and chris came along to fulfill the roles of mocking spectators, also to tease and lie about a SECOND lizard behind my fridge, not helpful really. so in the end owen brought the box out and....let the lizard out AT ME omg you should have seen me run. the thing actually followed me and i ran barefoot out to the link bridge where i finally escaped from the reptile.

that about concludes my adventure with The Disgusting Lizard.

Goodnight.

vibrant blue lashes

2006-10-30T11:00:00.000-08:00

I'm flooded, drowning in work. And it's times like these when i wish i had Vibrant Blue Lashes, for no particular reason at all, just for the blue.

My current needs include visiting my grandmother, buying/creating a calendar, getting the Lily Allen CD, and tearing out posters/pictures to make my room a real room. But above all, did I mention I have tons of work to do? I do. I do.

I feel like i'm constantly running away from people in hall. Sometimes I wonder why this seems to be the source of excitement for me, being a fugitive of sorts. Although it does give me a tad of a stomacheache at times, when I feel myself start to feel guilty. (Ooh, I wish I had acid green eyes.) I sometimes "know" that life would be so much different than now if I would only open up and be more involved, but there's another kind of happiness in cooping myself up in my room, with the company of Billie Holiday, but that, most here would probably not understand. It is anti-social! Why am I like that. It's not as if I'm studying much either. (Well i'm starting to, or at least I intend to.) I just need to see that to-do list shrink, you know? It is imperative that it shrinks. STUPID LISTS.

It's okay, I got what i set out to do done tonight. Which is more than I could ever hope for. Goodnight, & may I awake to striking cobalt lashes and sheer neutral lips...like An Alien :D

shut your eyes and sing to me.

2006-10-27T08:04:00.000-07:00

What i wanted to be when i grew up was a teacher, or at least i know i truly believed that till i was seven. After that it was pretty much just saying so just so i won't get a reaction from the adults and have to justify my sudden change in ambition with lofty ideals when all i really wanted to do was have some quiet time with my Play Doh and a bowl of Chicken and Fish Cake Porridge.

So anyways. Now, i realise i want to be a radio DJ. It's taken me all of twelve years to realise why i didn't want to be a teacher anymore. There is something romantic about cruising down the highway with the windows rolled down, at around nine-ish, looking at the inky skyline lined with strange, glossy buildings fly by you, and listening to the smooth-talking DJs talking to No One In Particular But You. And then The Song You Love comes on, and life is good again. I've often wondered what difference it would've made if i'd parted ways with my mother's five hundred dollars, which is actually more difficult that parting with my own five hundred dollars if i had five hundred to part with in the first place, and went for that DJ training course few years back. Knowing me, it probably wouldn't have made a practical difference since i'd leave things hanging out of nowhere yet again and leave my mother wondering what difference it would've made if she's put that five hundred quid to better use. Like buying fish, for example. Well note to self: stay determined and try to remember to join the NUS radio people thing, next year.

And yes, i've made things clear at last. With Chris i mean. Is it crazy to say now "I don't know what i'm doing." because honestly, i don't know if i do. I find it quite unpleasant to say it so plainly, such things, out here, so i've been only able to tell persons about it face to face. I don't know if its the perpetual You're Being Too Nice thing that's making this so difficult but then again why do people around me always think i'm too nice when handling such matters, isn't there some other way to deal with such things, some un-evil way perhaps like, but then again! my "un-evil" intentions seem to always end up having the cruelest effects on people so, I Don't Know. I cannot stand seeing people sad. This is the reason why, it is evil to pretend that you are sad when you aren't. And stupid to pretend that you aren't sad, when you are. Sadness isn't a trivial feeling, at all. It's a taste like none other not even salt. Although salt does taste quite sad, or maybe its because when i taste salt it reminds me of tasting tears but really it does!

And just like that i've lost my train of thought. Shoo.

let's waste time

2006-10-26T01:01:00.000-07:00

i'm feel like i'm sinking deeper and deeper into some hollow couch what with not sleeping for two whole nights and then falling sick now feeling like regurgitating the nothing that i ate and feeling like i'm living in a mad kid's snowglobe the minute i stand up. i feel icky. i'm actually looking forward to going back to school for my first lesson of the week. to tell the truth, i don't think i actually missed much school per se after not going since monday, i actually missed more hall responsibilities, which says alot about what staying in hall does to you. but then again there's always that irritating japanese studies project that keeps bugging me at the back of my head. cummon a thousand point five words aint that hard a task but god with all that nagging from the library to return the books that i havent gotten down to really reading and whoa man. get off my back already. and if i'm not wrong, i've got two papers due in two weeks, and i'm too afraid to check when my japanese oral test is scheduled for. note to self: please, get my planner done.

i feel like i could run away to newyork, which is what i will be doing next year, but more that that, i wish i could get lost in newyork and never come back. but then again, what would i do without my mother? what would i do with her?

in love with: chasing cars by snow patrol.

the sour stuff

2006-10-21T06:12:00.000-07:00

What could "hey sexy dearie" mean? And so it begins, the sour stuff.

But before that, (: my second sleepless night. Just the two of us, the lizard and the rat. Of eyebags and blotters, but more of massages and...dream like states that more and more seem to cease to exist. This is where the Now What sets in, maybe. Where the Was It Real and Maybe It Wasn't emerge and more and more I start to think, it was probably too good to be true.

God's mysterious ways indeed.

The Giraffe and The Gun

2006-10-20T01:27:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, i hung an orange giraffe and a pink revolver kutikuti on my razr. Turns out the revolver can never shoot the giraffe, because they're just, too close.

The Wound On My Left Knee is infected and therefore producing pus, making walking a painful and sticky process. Today, i had one of my i-think-this-is-it moments, it being death. I couldn't sleep most of the night and I woke up in cold sweat feeling unsettlingly dizzy. But what really got me out of bed was one of those piercing stomach pains you get that turns you green. I rushed to the toiet and once i entered the cubicle i couldnt stand or sit straight and i know that because under no other circumstances would i have leant against the toiletbowl and the moudy cubicle walls for dear life. It was as if the haze had seeped, somehow, into the toilet and was at PSI two hundred. Before i knew it, i was saying a prayer for it all to go away, and it did, somehow. But by then i was drenched in cold, and i mean cold, sweat even though it was a cool morning. Well, it happened again once i returned to my room to sit on the bed and stare into space for about fifteen minutes watching America's Funniest Home Videos but feeling too sick to laugh. I looked green in the mirror, truth. So then at last i lugged myself to attend the lecture where Holbo tries to interest us in this thing called philosophy. I got a B for the midterm paper, which i'm rather happy with. The grade, that is, not the subject. It felt odd how i couldnt just call out for mother and listen as she cooed from outside the toiletdoor and fussed about making soups and herbs. The closest to that would be, the toilet cleaner lady who trudges around with the mop. TGIF, really.

We ate lunch today. What am I doing?

"The trumpet is a very unforgiving instrument."

hot fudge sundae

2006-10-19T08:17:00.000-07:00

With hot fudge sundaes and hazy moonlit walks, comes strange sweetness in a foreign tongue. And sometimes you don't want to say any more in case you jinx it (:

Of Scabs & Dying.

2006-10-19T00:30:00.000-07:00

The day before yesterday, Shantilly's grandpa passed away. There is nothing to say about it, really. Death's one of those "things" that evoke feelings too strong to be expressed in words and i suppose words of consolation seem necessary but aren't, at all.

The day before yesterday, I fell down while playing netball. It's been such a long time since i last fell down (most of the time I just trip) and actually injured myself that i've forgotten how a skinned knee felt like. the stinging during baths, the stickiness of gooey pus and the quirky sensation that is scabbing because that is when you're confused about whether you should feel happy or irritated when the wound grows itchy because it's healing. But, then again i'm speaking too quickly because it's not itchy, yet. we do take our knees for granted. they should be hugged everyday (:

"Well some people don't respond well to hurling verbs. Some people need to be romanced, a little bit."